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THE STEPMONSTER CHRONICLESSome call me Wicked.....
September 10 Hurricane Season....I'm alive.... just distracted with a very active "Hurricane" season.... the bitch is taking us back to court for the 4th time this year.... But I'm so tired of it I finally hired a high priced lawyer for Big D to take her to the cleaners... paybacks are a bitch! I'll catch up soon.... in the meantime enjoy this humorous snippet from none other than Senator Larry Craig... the bathroom dweller.... take note of the smile on his face.
August 14 Ouch!.....WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?
Do they really have a problem with people sitting on this fence? Maybe. August 02 Wanna Tour....11:30 AM - Arrive at LAX
12:00 PM - Pick up rental car
12:30 PM - Get on the 405 South
1:00 PM - Take the Beach Blvd exit through Huntington Beach
1:20 PM - Stop off at Pavillions Grocery store, load up on beer, a few bottles of wine, etc.
1:30 PM - Get onto the Pacific Coast Highway
2:00 PM - Take Newport Blvd into Newport
2:30 PM - Arrive at The Crab Cooker
2:45 PM - Lunch of broiled lobster, coleslaw, cheese potatoes, and beer
3:30 PM - Head to the Newport Pier and sit my ass on the beach
4:00 PM - Drink more beer
6:00 PM - Check into Hotel, shower, & "nap"
8:30 PM - Dinner at Las Brisas in Laguna
10:00 PM - Walk on the beach
This is all courtesy of "The Harlot Fund"
Hope your weekend is as good as mine.
July 30 The Evil Twin......What kind of person would look at another person's myspace page and get a feeling of satisfaction and a smile when I see that
their mood on Friday was pessimistic,
the mood on Saturday was sad and
the mood on Sunday was sick???....
I would that's who... ha ha hee hee ho ho... "The Hurricane" was pessimistic, sad, and sick all weekend.... and that gives me a sense of satisfaction.... may she dwell in her own personal hell!
I, on the other hand had a wonderful weekend.... Big D took kids Y & Z camping on Friday and I stayed behind with kid X so she could catch a ride with my SIL to spend a couple of weeks with grandma and grandpa. I was going to join Big D on Saturday afternoon and the more I thought about the quiet solitude at home with NO KIDS... I called him and let him know that I was staying home... all ALONE... just me and the dogs.
Did some shopping, bought new barstools, and a couple of sets of new sateen sheets that were on sale... if you've never tried a 310 thread count sateen sheet...go get a set right now.... once you go sateen, you never go back. I then sat on my porch with a nice vodka soda and read The Wall Street Journal... Helloooo... I never get to do this... ever! Had a neighbor friend over for dinner, drank a lot of red wine... a lot... and laid in bed until noon watching Food Netowrk.... my neighbors don't call me Channel 40 for nothing.
Damn I hate it when good things come to an end! July 26 Club D is Now Closed......The Tiki Torches are going into storage for awhile. We finally finished our yard this Spring complete with sod, a nice flagstone patio, a grand old picnic table and the coolest fire pit you've ever seen... so we have spent a whole lot of time in the yard this summer because it has been so hot.. problem is... all of our neighbors enjoy it way too much too. I don't know how it happens... we light the tiki torches, fire up the grill and the fire pit... and we end up with 15 people in our yard... eating and drinking.... they all now refer to our house as "Club D."
I reached my breaking point this week when Monday night (it was a state holiday on Tuesday) Big D and I decided that we'd grill up a bison burger with some cauliflower and spinach.... then I realized that I also had chicken breasts marinating that had to be cooked so I invited my neighbor R over for chicken since she's currently unemployed and having a hard time... Before I knew it her friends showed up and the neighbors to the north and their friends mozied on over and as soon as that bison burger hit the table it was gone... and when I went into the house to get a glass of wine.... the entire brand new box of Black Box wine was gone (trust me, I'm not a boxed wine drinker but there are some new brands on the market that are actually quite good) this was a box the equivelant of 4 bottles... GONZO.... and we stayed up until 1:30 and granted had a great time.... but I can't take any more hangovers and can't afford to feed all of the mooches... so Club D is closed for awhile. I love my neighbors and love to entertain and have people over and love to cook... but God Damn it.... don't eat my bison burger!
Before I end... I just want to reaffirm that "The Hurricane" is a crazy bitch and a bad mother... yesterday Kids Y & Z came home from spending their alotted time with their mother. For the holiday on Tuesday she took them boating with some friends to the lake.... with no sunscreen... they spent the day on a boat in the lake with no sunscreen on. They are both fried and Kid Y came home with a temp of 102 and cramping... a little sunstroke and sunburn... I am so pissed off I could go "stepmonster" on her.... and maybe I will.
Sorry... this was boring but my creativity is in storage with the tiki torches.
July 18 SUMMER BREAK MY ASS......I have no excuse, no reason, no rhyme as to why I haven't been back... just couldn't get to it. I don't know why in the hell they call this Summer break... because it certainly hasn't been a break for me. We're busier than ever.
The kids got out of school on June 1st.... I was "balls to the wall" for the gala on June 10th which, by the way, had a $35,000 increase in profits over last year.
Two days after we all set off for the "ROAD TRIP FROM HELL"..... 10 days in the car to go to Big D's family/hometown/school reunion in the depths of Minnesota in a town with the total population of 806.... we traveled through Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, Nebraska, South Dakota, and Minnesota.... how many road trips include Yellowstone Park, Mt. Rushmore, and grandma's house all in one. I could write 14 blog entries just surrounding the family dynamics and weird shit I experienced but I really don't want to live through that again. Got that over with now I don't have to go visit the family in-law for at least the next 5 years.
Glad to be home only to return to chaos.... we arrived home with loads of dirty clothes and what happens??? Of course, the washing machine decides to shit the bed.... and Sears can't get the new model we want for a week....dumbasses.... then a week after replacing the washer... the f'ing dryer takes a hike... get the new dryer delivered.... it doesn't work. Sear's said we could bring it back and get another... no damn way... you come get this thing and bring a new one... we just spent $1500 on damn appliances there... so they bring another one... hook it up and... nothing.... so it turns out that we are the dumbasses and the 220 outlet for the dryer was not working.... anyone need a dryer?
The SUmmer kid crap is worse than during the school year... we have summer swimming camp on M, W, & F.... Kid Z has social skills class (a class for kids that can't keep their damn hands to themselves) and baseball on M & W, Kid Y has Gymnastics on W & F, kids X, Y, & Z have track on T, W, & Th... by God... I still have to work.... I did, however, finally get my Volvo station wagon so I can truly be a soccer mom... doesn'tmean I have to like it.... there's a third seat in the back for Kid Z so he cannot torment the girls... the seats are so high that he cannot even reach over... awesome!
I have had one major run-in with "The Hurricane" in which it ended with her saying "fuck you" and I called her a "crazy bitch"... we have been to court once..... a hearing she requested in attempts to get joint custody and to have all of her court ordered restrictions lifted.... the main restriction she wanted lifted was to have the ability to have the kids around her new boyfriend... which she is currently prohibited from doing. Problem is.... she already has had the kids around this dude.... she was going to court asking for restrictions to be lifted that she is already violating... stupid ass judge should've held her in contempt but he just denied all of her requests... she appealed and now we go back to court again in August. SOme days I think that all of the negativity we get to direct at her is a good thing but she is by far the biggest problem that we have in the family... and if it were not her it might be something else.... I still for the life of me cannot imagine what Big D was thinking when he married her...... not only is she crazy but she looks like a combination of a monkey and Liza Minelli.
Let's see... what else? We are taking our first "Harlot Fund" trip to Southern California in August.... we have $750 in the fund... Woo Hoo... I call that one big win win.
We finally got our yard done.... sod, patio, fire pit, flowers, garden... the works. We've had 5 dinner/BBQ parties with friends and neighbors... and lots of beer.... Did you know that you can cook 3 pork roasts with BBQ sauce in a pressure cooker for 30 minutes and have kick ass BBQ pork sandwiches?
I have purchased two new paintings.... I know I'm crazy...I just don't know how else to be.
My mom thinks I'm nuts.... I just tell her that it's her fault.
June 25 I'm Baaaack......I'm sorta back..... diggin through all of the shit that I put aside for the past month. I'm going to go visit for awhile and then come back with all of the dirty details. May 17 God Help Me...I have our Annual gala in 3 weeks.... it's all my responsibility and is the largest fundraising event of the year for our organization.... so I will be scarce.... if not in the looney bin.
May 08 Damn Busy....Too damn busy to hang out right now so I will leave this bit of entertainment....
May 02 My True Love....My True Love....
Showers me with kisses when I walk through the door....
My True Love....
Always treats me with respect.....
My True Love.....
Makes me happy with first sight....
My True Love....
Never complains or argues....
My True Love...
Wakes me in the morning by laying on my back and kissing my neck...
My true love....
Has the most beautiful black hair....
My true love...
Loves me no matter what.....
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